poker-tina-004I’m not gonna lie, I often have my mind in the gutter. I’m always the first to point out sexual innuendos in someone’s statement.

Someone says,  “Ugh, this breadstick is hard!” — (I snicker, and say that’s what she said)

“It won’t fit” — (I’m all like, hayyy yoooo)

“I have to see the doctor” — (YOU WOULD I yell, haha) “Kristy, that’s not even close to being suggestive.”
Pshhh It is if you’re seeing a SEX DOCTOR! HAHAHHA

Anyway, when I was a freshman in college, I wrote this following story while sitting in class. I think it’s hilarious and hopefully you guys do too. Warning, you have to be a poker player to understand it. Here it is.

I was young, and I had never done it before, but I felt like it was finally time.

The situation was right, and I had built up the confidence to go through with it.

It was just him and I, alone and together.

He was staring at me, intently. He paused, and made his move.

It was exactly what I wanted, nice and submissive.

I wanted all control.  I had waited so long. I wanted to make sure that everything I did was right.

As I was thinking of my next move, I studied him.  I looked deeply into his eyes, his facial expressions, and body movements.  I knew what he wanted me to do.

Knowing what he wanted, I didn’t care.  I played a little bit and hesitated, but after a few moments, I didn’t want to mess around anymore.

I made my move.  I carefully, but in a deliberate fashion… pushed it all in.

Immediately my heart began to race, and I was trembling.  I became so hot. I felt sweat beading down my lower back and between my chest.

Then, I suddenly became scared.  What if I hadn’t done it right? I thought I had all the moves down.  I had seen it on TV many times before.  I thought I had the best of him, but if I didn’t and couldn’t get him off, I had lots of outs.

My fears were calmed by the way he looked at me.  With a loud sigh, and slow grunt, no matter how much he didn’t want to, he gave into me.

The feeling was unbelievable.  I felt a wave of pleasure and satisfaction come over me as I knew I had done a great job.

I looked at him, and flashed a smile, acknowledging him as my first conquest, knowing there are numerous ones to come.  I already couldn’t wait to do it again.

I had done it, and it felt wonderful.

I had made my very first… semi-bluff.

Ok, just in case you are a poker player and don’t know what a semi bluff is, here is the definition: Betting with a hand that is probably not the best hand but may turn into the best hand once the turn or river cards are dealt. Preflop or post river bets are never considered semi bluffs. A semi bluff is designed to pick up the pot with the bet, but even if the bettor gets called he still have options to win the pot. Semi bluff bets are usually made with flush draws or straight draws.

GET IT? HAAAAAAAHAAAAA!! I hope you all are well. If you think this is funny, please leave a comment because if no one does, I’m just going to feel like a creeper having posted this. Thanks!

<3 Kristy