I contemplated, I deleted, I rewrote, I deleted, and then I grew some balls to actually make this blog post…
Ok, I didn’t really grow balls, but you get the point– this entry was really hard for me to write, but oh well, here goes.
When I took the job as a Card Player TV reporter, I wasn’t exactly sure how I would handle public criticism. Having watched Lizzy, the Card Player TV girl before me, read through threads in forums that were written about her, I knew that I too would be scrutinized by hundreds of viewers. Though I expected it, there was no way to predict exactly how I would feel the first time I read something awful about me.
The first thread I found about me included pictures that were taken off of my MySpace during the summer of 2007. All of the responses were from guys who used my photos to decide exactly how they felt about me, and they weren’t shy about saying how they really felt.
At first, I was devastated. As with most people, I’m my own worst critic. I know every flaw that society says I have. Whether or not a little these things matter in reality is another story.
Here are a few fun ones I found, including my commentary (in bold):
This certain thread starts out with a few nice comments…
“ImaBustYou”: She has grown on me… hot
“Appst08”: same, looks outgoing, loves poker, nice body, what’s not to like kids?
Then comes the bullet…
“StepYourGameUp”: What’s not to like? Well, where are her tits… did she lose them in a poker game bet? She has a flat ass and short legs. DO NOT WANT! — Wait, time out! I do have a butt thank you very much– played 18 years of soccer to get it, so BAMN!
Further down the thread, “jdsas” responds to someone saying I was hot: Hot for a 13-Year Old Asian boy, yes. For a woman.. DO NOT WANT flat chest, flat ass and hit in face with frying pan head.
Then “StepYourGameUp” literally steps up his game and responds: he obv meant wok
Ok kudos! The wok comment is pretty frickin funny. CUZ I’m ASIAN!! Get it guys??? Racist… but I still find it hilarious. I def loled.
So other highlights include lots of numbers, rating me on hotness from 1-10. Also, someone also called me a Chinese drag queen, and a horse something or other. Though, I have to say that this photoshop has got to be my effing favorite, courtesy of “eloisezilla”…
I laughed for a long time! The guy who made that is probably hilarious in person, and we’d probably get along… Anyway, that’s neither here nor there.
My friends are awesome and are always super supportive, but sometimes, I think their advice can be a little off base because they can’t truly understand what it’s like. Here are some things they’d say (my response is in bold):
“No, Kristy, OMG, you’re soo pretty, and you have boobs!” OK first of all, no I don’t, so you’re lying.
“They only hate you because they love you.” Uhh, that doesn’t make sense.
“Just ignore it.” – Hmmm that’s nearly impossible!!! Plus, you keep sending me links.
“Oh they are just nerds who live in their mom’s basement and criticize girls they could never bang in a million years.” Yeah… whooot! That one is my favorite
“Lot’s of people say nice things too!” — uhh yeah, but it’s so much easier to concentrate on the bad things.
Now, if I said that I was never hurt by the comments people wrote, I’d be lying. Of course it stings a little when someone points out your every flaw in a public forum. If I said I didn’t appreciate the comments saying how “they would totally do me,” I’d also be lying! Haha, come on, admit it! It’s nice to hear that you are “do-able” from strangers!
But the worst of the means ones was a comment I found about the scar on my stomach from my tumor being removed. (You can read about my ovarian cancer experience in my last post).
Someone was like, “She needs to get the worm removed from her stomach blah blah” — Wow dude, way to make fun of the girl who had cancer!! You are so mean! Why do you hate people with cancer? Haha, jk.
After a couple years of this and accumulated wisdom that has been acquired with time, I’m finally beginning to come to terms with what matters and what doesn’t matter… and people talking about me in forums really doesn’t matter.
I have a man who loves me, a job I adore, and tons of ambition. I love what I do regardless of the critics. I’ll continue to try and improve, and attempt to keep those who appreciate what I do happy. There have been a number of people who’ve been in my corner in the forums as well, and I’d like to thank you very much! (Especially all the people who loved my flip throw in during the Ralph Perry High Stakes Living Video)
So this is me— An Asian girl with small boobs and a big scar, and sometimes I get nervous when I interview… Oh yeah, and I hate aliens… but if you get to know me, I promise, I have a big heart, and I’d go to war for anyone I cared about.
I’ll probably continue to read forum posts about me whenever someone sends me a link or when I break down and google my own name haha but it’s ok because the stings are less and less. Instead, I’m finding it to be more motivating and amusing than anything.
I love you guys for all your support. Thanks for reading. By the way, if you guys like my blog, please share the link with others or subscribe. The more people who read, the more I feel like writing You da bes.