I’m writing this as I’m fighting the effects of two little blue miracle-workers called Sominex, so bear with me if this becomes a bit screwy.
I’m laying in my hotel room, the Millennium Biltmore to be exact. I just arrived today to cover the Big Event as it’s being called now. I’ve been fighting a cold for the past few days, so I decided to stay in on this lovely Friday night in Los Angeles… pause for cliche EMO statement… OK, so I’ve had some time to reflect.
It’s been four years since I did my very first interview for Card Player TV. The first one took place at I the 2007 NBC National Heads Up Championship. I was working as an intern and decided to head down to Caesars to just to watch. When I got there, I was stunned. There were cameras on wheels, spotlights, and make up artists, just like a real TV show! And… SHANA HIATT was there! Now, this was before I had a million irrational complexes, so when I saw her, I walked straight up to her and introduced myself. I told her that I loved her on the WPT, and that she was a role model and inspiration. She was incredibly gracious and as humble as a one-piece swimsuit (which she would never wear because she’s so hot). She took a quick pic with me, and wished me good luck. Feeling my confidence instantly boosted, I said hi to LIzzy and instantly jumped at the opportunity when she asked me if I wanted to do an interview.
Then, one year later, I was at the NBC National Heads Up Championship covering it for Card Player TV, all by myself. This time though, I was better at my job but was at an all time low for confidence. I wrote all about that night in another blog about anxiety.
With another two years in the books, marked by the craziness that is this yearly made-for-tv heads up event, I can’t help but think about how things have changed. Four years ago, did I ever think I’d be in Brazil at a Carnival rehearsal at a Samba school? NO! But I was, and I had the time of my life! (sorry, slight pause for a video I made with my new Mac!)
I’ve consistently had experiences after which I say to myself, “Nothing can top that.” How lucky am I? And in two and a half months, when I get married, I’m sure I’ll say the same thing.
Why then, do I seem to always get a bit restless when I reminisce? When I think about how amazing and lucky my life is, I ultimately end on the same open-ended, unanswerable, and daunting question which is, “What’s next?” Sometimes, I really do believe in myself. I really think that I can do anything. Other times, I feel like a frickin idiot (Napolean Voice) for thinking myself capable of such outlandish accomplishments. Will I ever be a Shana Hiatt? Not likely. I just don’t fit the mold. Will I ever be a best selling author? Well, I gotta be confident and motivated enough to write my book first! Then I gotta not suck. Sheesh, sounds too hard to even try. Will I ever pwn in poker? Hmm… it’s possible with the people who are willing to help me.
Is wrong to never be quite satisfied with your current place in the race of life? Or is that a prescription for a lifetime of a glass being just short of full? Or is possible that no one is ever completely content, and my restlessness is really just a good healthy motivator for improvement and success?
I’m not sure of any of it, but what I do know, is that I am loving life but want to continue growing— now when I put it like that, it sounds AWESOME!
There is so much I want to write about still including poker, wedding stuff, Brazil, and random thoughts, but the Sominex is kicking in. I’m going to concede to it’s magical powers.
Goodnight everyone, and I frickin love you guys,
P.S. Oh and if you had time, please watch this video of my friend Gary Gates. This is the best way to go all in!