Why is Google so Racist?

The search engine giant, Google, is scarily creeping into our lives, slowing seeping into the small cracks we open as our lazy-asses look for the internet to do everything for us. Want to know why the sky is blue? Ask Google. Want to know how to be a Godparent? Ask Google (I totally just did that). Want to find a one-legged, far-sighted, Russian mail bride? Umm I guess I would ask Google.

Google is so good, that it even knows what you are thinking… or what you’re likely thinking, or what they think you should be thinking, and you know what?

GOOGLE IS TOTALLY RACIST!!!

We checked out some of Google’s Autocomplete, and the results are pretty funny. Let’s start with Asians…

First of all, WTF is a zipperhead? I had to effin GOOGLE THAT! And it’s sooooo messed up. I don’t even want to go into that. You can Google it yourself. Anyway, so this one starts out nice — Skinny, smart, eyes slanted (standard), bad drives (me, yes), good at math– then it’s like ugly, short, yellow. Meh, not so bad!

Let’s go for some more…

WOWWWWWWW! Google! Oh no you didn’t! Although, I have to admit, after taking this screen shot, I clicked on “Why are black people faster than white people”

Which brings me to the next one…

Ahhh that’s funny. But the MEANEST one is the next one.

SHEEESH! Tell us how you really feel Google!!! THAT’S SO MESSED UP!!!

Ahh, so for those of you who don’t know me personally, a couple of Swedish guys that Tony and Andrew met at the poker table are staying with us for a few days. We’ve only met them about two or three weeks ago, but it’s like we’ve all been friends for years. They are both so fun, genuine, and sweet. This week, we met two of their friends and they were awesome too! We were like, “Are all Swedish people this cool?” Welp, I asked Google, and apparently they are — and hot.

Hmmm Swedish fish are so good too. Anyway, I just thought I’d share some funny findings. And I know it’s not all Google.  And Ok, I know Google isn’t actually racist. I hear they hire all kinds of Asians, and Mexicans and stuff and that it just shows you the most common things people type in, which is even more funny/horrible. But hey, what are you gonna do, right?

If you guys have some hilarious autocompletes, write them in the comments!

I hope you all are well. I’m getting pretty excited for the holidays. This Friday, a few of my friends and I are having a holiday party and we’re doing a White Elephant. I’m kind of nervous for it for some reason, but I guess I’m going to just have to get ruthless for a sweet present and not feel bad about it. For boys who need to buy girls a present, you can check out my blog about holiday gift ideas.

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<3 you effers,

Kris